So I'm uncreative and decided to rip a title from the song I'm listening to-- 'Hey! Is that a Ninja up There?' by Minus the Bear.
Truth be told when I'm depressed my creativity runs dry. Hence, why my icon is Silver, Crystal, and Gold from Pokemon (and since nobody hardly reads this blog anyways except me I don't really even get why I'm talking.)
I purposely made it hidden so nobody could read it anyways and I forget about it so much. It's more of a diary than anything, keeping personal thoughts and wonders to it's digital confines. I should do something with it, at least.
But I suppose the true reason I came here was because I have nobody to turn to, not to go on mindlessly about Pokemon and a song by a band nobody's ever heard of.
Going along with that thought now, I've mulled myself into a depression. Again. And sure it seems like every post I make here has some kind of cryptic depression, but it's moreover a place for me to hide my deepest thoughts that not even I can understand unless I look at them again. Jesus Christ I sound brainless right now. It's called a diary you dumbfuck, buy one and use it!
But then there's that overwhelming fear of someone finding it. ..... But then someone could find this as well. Oops, mulling that hole again.
Anyways, let's get onto the depressing topic at hand. Maybe it's that 'three week' curse coming around again, because as of August 28th, that makes one month me and this new girl have been dating. And I'm only making myself look like an idiot by being insane and paranoid again and I've had someone tell me over and over it's just normal. But I've been hurt too many times and call me selfish but I don't want to be hurt again. It's just too much for me to take and every time it happens I swear up and down I won't do it again.
But then something fucking stupid happens and I go out and do it again. And I have a feeling this might actually be the last time because I've I'm driving myself into nightmares and odd dreams and mindlessly insane feelings over this girl then I doubt I know what actual love is. Call me rational, I don't give a damn. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't know how to communicate.
Or maybe I've been right about myself all along and I just need to close up my heart and never ever ever ever let anyone in again. It seems to work for the villains in the movies, .... right before they get beat badly and are never seen again.
....... Or they find out love was what they needed all along DAMN IT. There I go again making stupid assumptions
Maybe I'm just going about this all wrong. Yeah. Maybe I'm just letting that crazy paranoid voice in the back of my head talk louder than the positive thoughts. Everything is okay. Nothing's wrong.
Or maybe I was right all along and I was right to let my inner senses take over in a dry selfish attempt at trying to save my shattered sanity and overly-active emotions.
Sometimes I wish I was a boy. So that way I didn't have feelings about these kinds of things, or the need for attention, just kind of living..... bang whoever and date every girl in the school, be popular. That seems to work for the football jocks.
Distorted reality, how come you are so cruel?
